Why Self Love Matters for Everyone (Yes, even You)
Here are some common issues and misunderstandings around Self Love.
You say you love yourself but you don’t act in ways that support your words.
You say, “Well, I don’t hate myself so I guess I love myself.”
You say “I don’t need to love myself to be happy and successful.”
You say “Guys don’t need Self Love. That’s just stuff for chicks.”
You think Self Care is the same thing as Self Love.
The real problem with all of these misunderstandings is that absolutely every breathing human being on this planet NEEDS to practice Self Love. In doing so, you not only massively benefit yourself but you benefit everyone who comes into contact with you, often without even knowing it!
Why does every human being need to actively practice Self Love?
Because whatever words we use to describe our wants and needs in life, we all ultimately want the same damn things.
We all want:
Love
Acceptance
Similarly, we are all afraid of the same things. Again, we use different words but the basic human fears come down to one underlying thing.
We all fear:
Fear of Abandonment
Fears of failure, rejection, and not being worthy of love all fall under this one umbrella. For example:
If I fail, I will be rejected by my friends/family/boss/significant other/everyone. If I am rejected, then I am not worthy of being accepted or loved. If I am not worthy of being accepted or loved, then I will be abandoned and alone.
So what does Self Love have to do with our wants and fears?
If you actively practice Self Love, you will learn that the two things you want most are always available to you, from you.
If you actively practice Self Love, you will learn that the one primary thing you are most afraid of will never apply to you, even when you are alone.
When you make the decision to practice Self Love consistently, you actually begin to love yourself in a second nature way like breathing. When you are consistently getting something that you need (love) that is just as crucial as air, you no longer behave in frantic destructive ways trying to get it. Love becomes a plentiful resource.
When a resource is plentiful, you act differently than when you believe something to be scarce and difficult to find.
It all starts with Self Love
Self Love isn’t the only thing you need, but it is the number one building block for you to fully enjoy anything in life.
Self Love allows you to calm the F down about everything else. You begin to make decisions differently because you aren’t desperately trying to fill a painful void within yourself. Your relationships in every facet of your life become better. Your perspective during a stressful chaotic situation becomes more balanced.
If you don’t love yourself, it will be hard to imagine why this is the case. I know because it was hard for me to imagine before I began practicing Self Love. I just didn’t get it. Mostly because I could never find a definition that really explained what Self Love is. Often I found definitions that confused Self Love with Self Care. Other times I found vague lists of activities that were meant to be Self Love but were, again, really just ways of practicing Self Care.
Self Love and Self Care are two distinctly different things.
You can practice Self Care without actively practicing Self Love. But you can’t practice Self Love without including Self Care.
(For more on that, check out this article about Self Love vs. Self Care.)
Self Love naturally produces many benefits like being more accepting and less judgmental, being more patient and kind, being more willing to hear an opposing viewpoint, feeling more appreciated and cared for because you learn to practice appropriate boundaries.
Why we all need to practice Self Love
So if we all want the same things and we are all afraid of the same things, and if Self Love is the foundation we need in order to get anything else we desire in life, then we ALL need to practice Self Love.
Not only will you be able to acquire and truly enjoy whatever goals you have for your life, but you will become a better human in the process. Everyone around you will actually want to be around you because when you are kind to yourself, you will naturally be more able to extend that kindness to others.
We are all in this together. Remember, we all want the same things and we’re all scared of the same things. Let’s be nicer to each other, starting with ourselves.
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