The Dark Side of Self Love
There is always balance between lightness and darkness.
Self Love is the greatest discovery you can make in your life. It changes everything. EVERYTHING. It is the key to unlock happiness and success in all areas of yourself and your life.
However, I should warn you:
Practicing Self Love will uncover some dark aspects of yourself that you’re going to be afraid of and want to try to suppress. That is totally normal and is just part of the process. You’re going to realize that part of you is still a judgemental person. Another part of you is still an angry, impatient person. Another part of you emotionally punishes others when you feel hurt by them. And you know what? It’s all ok. Let me say that again.
It’s ALL ok.
That is part of the balance of being a human. That is part of the balance of living in this natural world. There are always opposites, that is why there can be balance. Up/Down, Hot/Cold/, Happy/Sad, Day/Night, Winter/Spring.
What is Duality
Some people refer to that concept of opposites that create balance as “duality”. It was helpful to me to learn a word for the conflicting thoughts and feelings that I experienced early in my journey. In the beginning, I thought that if I learn how to love myself then I will become a good person and I will never feel angry or impatient or spiteful. But I was wrong, because I am still a human being and I have ALL of those things inside me, just like you do. And when you have a way to describe feeling conflicting things (for example, “I hate my job but I am grateful to have it for the income it provides me.”), it becomes a little easier to manage those two opposing things. If you are a recovering “black & white thinker” like me, someone who always tried to control things because of the deathly fear of uncertainty, then maybe knowing this new word “duality” will be helpful for you too.
Just know that it’s ok to feel ALL of your feelings. Humans have a range of about 27 emotions that we can experience. Each emotion exists for a specific reason and it is natural that we experience them all from time to time. Don’t hate yourself for it. Listen to what messages your emotions are trying to bring up to your attention. That’s why emotions come up! They are little internal messengers trying to help you, even though it might feel uncomfortable in the moment. No matter how hard you try not to feel them, they’re just gonna come out whether you want them to or not. Isn’t it better to choose to listen to them early on when they try to give you a message instead of suppressing them until you explode one day in an embarrassing setting? Think of it like this:
One day out of the blue, your car starts making a funny noise. You hear it but you really don’t want to deal with it. You don’t have the time or the money or the mental energy to deal with one more problem in your life. So you keep driving around hoping it will just go away, but eventually that noise is going to make you pay attention to the problem. Your car is going to break down on the way to some important event and leave you stranded without cell signal, in the pouring rain, at night, on a lonely road. Shoot. “If only I had taken the car into the shop when I first heard the noise, I could have chosen when to be without transportation rather than being stuck out here right now at the worst possible time for this.”
Choose when you do emotional maintenance or it will choose for you
Emotions are just like that. If you feel an emotion, it’s best to listen to it sooner than later. You can choose how to handle the emotion rather than ignoring it and letting it bubble under the surface until one day you explode in anger/sadness/disgust/whatever. Pick the time and place to listen to your emotion as soon as possible after you notice it. Or it will pick the time and place for you, and that will very likely be a regrettable mess that could have been prevented.
Did you get tripped up when I said that about noticing your emotions? Yeah that was a new thing for me too. I used to live life under the oppressive rule of my emotions. I thought I had no control over them and because of that belief, I let my emotions run (and ruin) my life. Next up, let’s figure out how the heck to notice emotions so you actually can learn how to listen to them at the time and place of your choosing. Sounds tough but I promise, it really does get easier and eventually it becomes second nature like breathing. For reals!!
So hang in there and keep practicing Self Love. One day very soon you’ll be saying what I keep saying: “I didn’t know life could be this good!”
Leave a comment